Why I don't take LinkedIn seriously anymore...

I always thought LinkedIn was about serious things. And many of you out there, must have the same feeling about the big daddy of all professional networks. In my search for fame and recognition, I had read every article that could give me the key to more linked in profile views. I tried some of those and apart from the facts like 'follow people and people will follow you back', the results were abysmal.

And then, while browsing through my LinkedIn pages and connections, I stumbled upon this!

That is LinkedIn telling me how to get more profile visits. Suddenly, my axe has hit something metallic!

5 Ways To Get Up to 6% More LinkedIn Profile Visits - Reveal Mavericks at LinkedIn.

The text on my LinkedIn profile page screen read in clear English -

"Rahul, profile views matter! Getting more profile views can help you get found for the right opportunity. Real Estate professionals like you got up to 3% more views by taking some of the steps below."

I didn't need another invitation. I took things seriously and explored the 5-easy-as-hell-options.

#1. Follow Richard Branson

You can't go wrong with that claim LinkedIn. Following Richard Branson can get you personal insights and advice about aviation and aerospace. Now you know why your pathetic career wasn't taking off? If you follow Richard Branson and the reflections on his Aviators, you will get more profile views. (Also, wasn't FOLLOW such a twitter thing? Why is it all resembling my daughter's play dough?)
Boost in profile views: Unknown

Reality: Butt Seriously

#2. Add Real Estate as a Skill on your Profile

This is something that requires zero brain activity. Real Estate on any profile makes it look way cooler. Kudos to the boffins at LinkedIn. Readers, please try this. I seriously recommend it.

Boost in profile views: 1% (Claimed by LinkedIn)

Reality: The only thing serious

#3. Join an open real estate LinkedIn group that has little credibility

LinkedIn assured me that joining this group would boost my profile views by 3%! (Check top contributors)

I am bewildered by the artificial intelligence that that showed me these suggestions. They made me fill out a 5 page questionnaire about myself and this is what their logic coughs up? Weird!

Boost in profile views: 3%

Reality: Are you serious?

(One time note: Please add the tone with which you would say "Wow! And they actually paid you?" Thanks.)

#4. Add Ashwani Sharma (or any other dude you see on LinkedIn with exactly 3 connections) to grow your network and get found for more opportunities

When you connect with someone who has exactly 3 connections on LinkedIn, Trinity shall come to you, Neo.

However, LinkedIn claims that the results are simply outstanding.

Boost in profile views: 2% (Claimed)

Reality: Are you really serious?

#5. Follow Lodha Group's company page to hear real time news and job openings

Nope. I ain't joking. That is what you need to do. Is that a beta error or a test phase bug? Or is that the most crappy advertising I have ever seen? Clicking that link took me to this page.