The Ace that Narendra Modi revealed last and with devastating effect in the 2014 General Elections!
May 17th
By our staff reporter serving his notice period.
What happened in an average Indian
household on voting day?
Rashmi was dressing up to join husband Hari to go out and cast her vote. The sun outside was intense and she decided to dress easy. In about half an hour, she had to push the button to make her small but significant contribution towards the fate of India, and right now, she was sure about which button she had to press. And it was not a hurried decision.
Her father had
been a ‘die-hard’ Congress supporter right till the moment the train he was
travelling in mated with a stationary goods train, setting free his and
numerous other souls.
“Beta, Rajiv Gandhi is the greatest man
to have walked the Earth”, he used to tell her every time he sat on that
rickety sofa to write another letter to the pension office, informing them that
as on date, his pension was overdue by 48 months and that they should do
something about it.
Though Rajiv
had stopped walking the earth abruptly one day, ironically wearing sneakers,
the childhood impression about the lofty Indian Congress was indelible from her
memory.
And in her
mother in law’s house, the husband was a congress supporter too.
“If the
Congress was the household name always, what is this UPA nonsense?” she had
asked Hari one night, to clear the air of confusion in her head.
They did not
speak for the next week or so as a result of that query, so she reconciled that
the UPA and the Congress must be the same thing.
“Look out for
the hand symbol on the machine and press that button. That will be enough”,
Hari told her the fifth time as he kick started the largest selling spelling
mistake in the world, his prized Splendor.
What happened at the polling booth
Rashmi went
through the usual document checks and got her index finger inked. The lady
inking her was formerly a cook who was fired from every household she ever worked
in because she did not know how much salt was ‘enough’ salt. It was evident
from the amount of rapidly drying ink she had just spilled on Rashmi’s finger.
Rashmi lifted
the curtain to the polling box that had the multi button voting machine in it and
entered that hallowed space. She took a good look at the numerous options in
front of her.
“Is that a
bicycle there?” she said to herself and giggled, like a child.
And then, she
saw the PINK lotus. In three seconds, a lifetime worth of beliefs, notions, GK
and Congress praising words from her father and husband were blown into the
weeds.
“OMG! Pink?
Pink!” her entire womanhood screamed into her ears and before her knees buckled
in excitement, she pressed the button for BJP like a thousand women before and
after her, silently sky rocketing Narendra Modi to his victory, just like the
page views of a website that made it to the Reddit front page.
Narendra Modi’s stealth strategy
In mid 2014,
as the country went into vote mode, the analysts got busy making myriad forecasts
that covered every outcome. Some of these analysts, who were hogging prime time
television, had bullet proof reputations as weathermen before and they
effortlessly misled the whole nation with their predictions.
On the other
hand, astrologers and God men, some of them under trial for crimes like rape
and money laundering were running amok telling every party secretly that they
could win if they did this and that, plus buy a few thousand pieces of that
gemstone for every key party member.
The righteous
brothers at AAP were too busy trying to explain to various email service
providers why their critical fund raising emails should not be treated as spam
and sent to folders where all emails go to die. Plus, Paypal had refused to
open a donation account for them and the online transfer option from their own
nationalised bank was still in Beta. In a few words, their hands were full and
their coffers, empty.
Amidst all this
bandwidth consuming buzz, Modi changed the colour of his party’s symbol, the
lotus, from its original saffron hue to Hot Pink. This seemingly stupid and
harmless change barely got a few Page 76 columns in the leading dailies and a
smirk from the other parties.
But Modi knew
too well that half of India’s voting population were women. Modi also knew that
across cultures around the world, women loved their pinks and men, their blues.
Once those columns and smirks died out, his brand consultant, Chris Nolan
confirmed to him over the night’s sleep that inception had indeed become a
reality second time around.
“Don’t worry
my brothers, we will swamp the GE-2014”, Modi kept reassuring his aides and
close party workers as region after region went to vote. When counting began a
month ago, it became evident that something had gone terribly wrong with all
the forecasts. The UPA could not blame Narendra Modi for rigging the voting
machines as that would make them look like Microsoft blaming Apple for
launching Windows 9 before they could or something like that.
As ‘bigger
than the news itself’ news anchors swallowed their own words resulting in drug
stores running out of antacid, Modi finally unravelled his ace in an exclusive
interview with IREFD, this morning!
“Do you think
that the people at VW are fools to roll out the Beetle in Pink? Do you think
that the i-phone came in pink colour because the boffins at Apple are colour
blind? And do you know that there are 496 rock bands that have the word Floyd
in their names and on their bass drums? How many do you listen to, son?” is the
question Modi asked our disgruntled staff reporter serving his notice period.
- The IREFD Team
(Whats a popular Indian blog without a post on Indian politics? - We thought)
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