Indian Real Estate approaching boom time again! - IREFD Analysts| 20.08.2013

The Indian Real Estate dawn is almost here say our analysts. 

Without wasting any time on niceties, our analysts would like to tell you a few things about the future of Indian Real Estate. So here are the top predictions from the IREFD Analysts covering all asset classes.

#1. Residential: Due to the 'F*&% we have had enough' factor playing on the minds of the common Indian man, a spending surge in the housing sector shall start around Dewali. The common men, with little or no money left to have a proper meal or pay their school children's fees are going to take huge loans and buy up all the excess real estate in the Indian market. This shall bring forth a massive demand in the residential asset class.

#2. All Asset Classes: Secondly, owing to the 'F*&% we have stashed away enough' factor playing on the minds of our politicians and their friends, a decision over Cuban cigars has been reached inside many board rooms working in tandem that from August 2013 onward, a full 5% of the hard cash being sent away to Switzerland for various reasons shall be retained back in India. This shall create a surplus in the economy to the tune of the combined GDP of a few countries. This shall ensure growth and have India shining again. If you are a reader and doubt 'India shining', you have never been a kid whose dad handed him a bottle of Brasso and a brass vase that looked like a fossil. Had you been subjected to a day like that, you would know that such a miracle is as commonplace as a walk in the park.

#3. Land, Warehouses, Offices and Industrial Real Estate: Thirdly, the dudes who run the SME sector of India have just confirmed that they are releasing an India wide vision statement soon. Our analysts have had a sneak peek of this statement and all it really says is 'F*&% we have been called small and medium and such insulting words for long enough!' Personally, we love that! The SMEs are now exploring words like leverage, among others to get rid of everything in their lives that SMEll of that SME tag. This will sky rocket demand for land, warehousing, transporting services and commercial real estate. Sources deep inside bank vaults have confirmed that a lot of cash is being moved as loans in unmarked vehicles, to enable selected SMEs to step into bigger shoes and clothes.

#4. Retail: Retailers selling apparel, shoes and other stuff have just been enlightened during a joint trip to Ladakh. They are on their way back from there as we analyze this, chanting the mantra 'F*&% we have sold to the masses long enough!' Big retail brands in India have realized that they have staff, associates and vendors that run into millions but not one of them wears anything that their own brand manufactures. The Ladakh trip has taught them to look within. Thus, forcing these stake holders of retail brands to buy and wear their own goods will completely negate the need of selling anything to the public and yet ensure YOY growth of around 8 to 10 percent! As stores run out of stock faster than you can say the F word aloud in the loo, retail and retail led real estate health shall be in the pink again!

#5. Multiplexes: The entertainment industry, after more than a decade has finally figured out 'Who the F*&% is Alice!' Needless to say, champagne, albeit the Indian one, is flowing freely again and every Friday, blockbuster releases are lined up from Eid. It is, however, sad to know that some blokes happened to walk down the wrong line to catch Chennai Express. Mindless, gory and shocking entertainment followed across NEWS channels competing with multiplexes these days. People who eventually missed the show have also been promised INR 500,000 each! And you thought we were in the midst of a darn slowdown? Multiplex operators, your boom days are also right around the corner, say our analysts.

To sum it all up, our analysts are in joint conclusion that the best days of Indian Real Estate are almost here. Are you ready?

A note on our analysts

Who are the analysts at Indian Real Estate for Dummies. Please open this link from NY Times.
Here are some excerpts from that story that you read on NY Times:

# But a summer of difficulties has dented India’s confidence, and a growing chorus of critics is starting to ask whether India’s rise may take years, and perhaps decades, longer than many [analysts] had hoped.

# The Indian government recently loosened restrictions on direct foreign investment [thanks to their analysts], expecting a number of major retailers like Walmart and other companies to come rushing in. The companies have instead stayed away, worried not only by the government’s constant policy changes but also by the widespread and endemic corruption in Indian society.

# Analysts [same dudes who got us here anyway] fear that higher inflation, softening growth, a falling currency and waning investor confidence could spin into a vicious cycle that will be difficult to contain.

# The problem for India, analysts say, is that the country has small and poorly performing manufacturing and mining sectors, which would normally benefit from a weakening currency.

# That is helping feed inflation, which jumped in July to an annual rate of 5.79 percent from 4.86 percent in June, far above what analysts had expected. [They had? Wow!]

# Analysts fear that higher inflation, softening growth, a falling currency and waning investor confidence could spin into a vicious cycle that will be difficult to contain.[Try imagining a frightened analyst!]

# [Also, remember the lord as] Unable to build or buy, India is becoming dangerously short of vital defense equipment, analysts say.

# [And finally] Many analysts say that India is unlikely to achieve prominence on the world stage until it reaches some sort of resolution with Pakistan of disputes that have lasted for decades over Kashmir and other issues.

We, at IREFD have similar ANALYSTS who have compiled that report for you. A prose or poem writer, or the guys at the weather forecast office would have worked equally well but they don't look the part.